It’s a new year and, without wishing to sound too dramatic, it’s time to consider a few life-changes.
First up, I’m going to give up smoking. I haven’t
actually touched a cigarette for 23 years and, come to think of it, I don’t
think I’ve ever smoked a whole one; nevertheless – it’s good to start off with
something easy and so I am definitely finished with smoking in 2014.
Secondly, I am going to stop eating Bounty bars
and any other chocolate confection containing coconut. As satisfying as chewing
on chipboard, eating coconut chocolates is a clear sign of desperation and
usually means that you are literally scraping the bottom of the sweetie tin. Devised
in 1951 by Mars, there are only two things worse than the traditional Bounty –
the cherry flavoured version that’s been sold in Australia since 2006 and the
mango flavoured version that is currently available in Russia.
Like most people, I’m keen to lose a bit of
weight after Christmas. I have researched the topic of diets in depth, I’m up
to date with all the latest fads and I’ve chosen the Malteser diet. Invented in
1936 and promoted in 1937 as ‘energy balls’, Mars cleverly aimed these little beauties
at the slimming market using the catchy slogan: “The chocolates with the less
fattening centre”. I’m going to have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
You’ll also be pleased to know that, from now
on, I’ve decided that I shall only tip winning horses. If you had placed a
pound on each of my weekly selections over the last year (disregarding some of those
ridiculous ante-post bets which have still to reach fruition) you’d have made a
grand loss of £6.82 – about the cost of the packet of cigarettes I haven’t
I know, I know, you’re thinking about all the
fun you’ve had – it’s been well worth the £6.82 hasn’t it? But from now on, they’ll
be no more losers. It may get a bit boring backing winners every week, but let’s
give it a try – we’ll start with Royal Boy in the Tolworth Hurdle at Sandown on
Saturday. The return to 2 miles may be on the sharp side for him, but the soft
ground will more than compensate.
Finally, the whole team here at Cartmel promises
that we will only race on sunny days in 2014. And if the weather gods should
happen to disagree, then the staff will make up for any inclement conditions by
demonstrating their bright smiles and sunny dispositions. Happy New Year!