Thursday, 24 August 2017

Join The Crowd

According to prison psychologists, a common refrain amongst inmates is that they "simply got mixed up with the wrong crowd." No one actually admits to belonging to the wrong crowd – or can even tell you exactly where it gathers.
 
If you’re heading to Cartmel this Bank Holiday weekend, you’ll obviously be part of the right crowd – but what if you find yourself at Goodwood or Southwell? Can you be so sure? This week we’re giving a few pointers to keep you on the straight and narrow.
 
You’ll know the right crowd when you see it – they’ll typically have a large picnic, a good selection of pies or maybe even a barbecue with some sausages from Furness Fish & Game. They’ll cheer vocally whichever horse wins and they’ll wave their Union Jacks as the brass band of the Royal Armoured Corps plays ‘Last Night of the Proms’ from the bandstand after racing on Saturday.
The Cartmel Crowd
 
If there’s an ice-cream van, you’ll definitely find the right crowd standing in the queue. But if the nearest confectionary stand is doing a big trade in coconut fancies, be wary: nothing good ever came of a coconut fancy. Nor, since we’re on the subject, beef flavoured crisps, cherry cola or honey roasted peanuts. All of them revolting.
 
If you’ve been following my weekly selections in this column, you’ll probably be part of the poor crowd – unkindly referred to, by some, as a ‘bunch of losers’. Don’t worry, this year’s long losing stretch is nothing less than an elaborate ploy to lull the bookmakers into a false sense of security. I’m sure we’ll have the last laugh when Alderbrook Lad passes the post in front on Bank Holiday Monday. I can’t tell you which race it will be, because he is double entered - maybe the 2m 5f chase; the distance seems to suit him just that little bit better, especially with give in the ground.
 
It may be that you’ve been feeling a bit irritable recently, you might even have snapped uncharacteristically at your friends and family. This doesn't necessarily mean that you’re part of the wrong crowd – it’s more likely that you are either a Leo or a Scorpio and that you’ve been unsettled by the celestial carnage wreaked by last week’s solar eclipse. The changes heralded by the eclipse now present opportunities and you'll be pleased to know that you’re set for a profitable weekend. Have a good time and don’t gloat too much when you win.
 
If you’d like to be part of the right crowd but fear, like me, that you may not qualify, make sure that you join us for the Steeplechase Service at the Priory on Sunday at 11.00am. Nick the Vic (slang term for ‘Chaplain to the Racecourse’) will be requesting blessings for everyone – including a racehorse, outside the porch of the Priory, at noon.
 
And if you’re determined to join the wrong crowd, we'll see you in one of the pubs in the square after racing on Monday. Good luck.
 

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